The Clinic of All Cheats
Last week I had an argument with a doctor (mind you); which would have gone all #CDM25 brouhaha, had someone else other than myself happen to be there and record the scenario. It was like Kiki’s road bully, medical version.
Have you ever entered a clinic because you were feeling slightly under the weather, but exited with a whole bag of medicines that you actually don’t need; costing you a bomb?
I stand by the law that citizens of the world can not simply purchase medicines. But does that mean doctors can simply ‘sell’ us medicines like they are food, just because they are doctors? This is a story about a clinic that NO one should go to.
5 p.m. on a thirsty Thursday evening. Feeling slightly unwell. Walked into Clinic Solaris where an argument between a French family and a clueless nurse was going on – the poor angmoh‘s bill added up to RM458 and the nurse wanted to charge her an additional 3% tax for using the credit card.
In my life, I’ve never heard of a clinic bill that costs 458 bucks.
In French accent: “This is my fourth time here, I used my credit card before and I’ve never been charged for tax! Why now?”
A simian looking man with a stethoscope hanging around his neck made a special appearance to try out his sophistry skills. “Our accountant just told us recently that there has been a charge if you use cards.”
French lady stormed into the dispensary like a boss to check on the processing fee. The man asked if she is a doctor and told me to follow him. In his room he questioned me impatiently. No eye contact. Kept scribbling with his long simian arm.
Can’t stop staring at his turban and unruly beard. Had he not been a doctor, I would have mistaken him for a cobbler. Tried not to stereotype. Made my own decision to NOT pay for medicines like the French mother – not HERE. Done with consultation. Got a bunch of ‘clinical answers’ a.k.a. bullshit I had Googled beforehand.
Outside the French was still standing. Her sadness and frustration filled the air. I asked the clueless nurse “How much is my bill?” 88 ringgit, she said, as she packed a bunch of yellow pills for me.
“What’s that for?”
She murmured. The odious so-called doctor came out to play nurse; telling me the Mother of All Jokes – “This is to replace the good bacteria after we killed the bad bacterias.” Ridiculous.
Told him I don’t want them and I only need my necessary medications. He pushed a sliding glass door, reached out for a box and threw it on the table, telling me to try his new recommendation.
“What is this? I said, I don’t want anything else! How much are these? (referring to the actual medicines)”
Nurse told me they cost RM58. Told her I only want to pay for consultation so she asked for RM30. Took out two RM20 notes and the doctor said the most unpalatable thing:
“Actually now is after 5 o’clock. There is a 5% extra charge for that so you’ll have to pay RM45.”
“But she just said 30.”
“Don’t you know about this? Your government said after 5 p.m. there is a 5% extra charge for…”
“No, I don’t know about that.” The idiot thinks he can coerce me just because he can’t sell me his useless medications. Peeked into my wallet. Saw a red RM10 note. Thanked God for standing by me. Kept my other RM20 note in an obvious manner and told the idiots I only have 3o.
The cantankerous man didn’t give up. “So you think you can just walk in here, WASTE my time, and pay me like that?”
Swallowed my curses. “I’m sorry. It is no wonder your clinic is so empty.” Thew 30 bucks on the counter and started to make a move.
“I intend to keep it empty!”
“Oh yeah? Well, good luck.”
The next day I walked into a pharmacy and bought the exact medication I needed. The pharmacist doesn’t seem to know her shit very well either, but lucky I do, and I can’t stop thinking why the hell didn’t I just do that at the first place.
Here’s a piece of my advice:
If you have a family doctor, good for you. But know that times and people change.
If you find a new doctor, read about your illness’s symptoms, causes, and treatment options beforehand. Don’t try to be your own doctor, but be smart about it. A doctor comes with less bull when they realize their patients know their shit.
There are many doctors out there trying to sell unnecessary medications to patients so that they can earn more money, rather than caring for your body. It’s all a bloody business.
Stay healthy, be wise, and of course – Don’t go to Clinic Solaris.