the 3rd closure
there is a line between love and being rational about love. a romanticist believes that as long as there is love, anything can be solved. a realist calculates risks in a relationship based on facts gained by experiences, and leaves if there are more cons. but truth is, be he / she a romanticist or a realist, a man or woman who wants to make a relationship work, will move mountains to keep the person he / she loves.
people always say “a leopard can’t change its spots”. i find that statement damn true, but are you, a leopard? a realist once told me that 1. people (i) can’t change and 2. i shouldn’t change because there is somebody out there who will love me for who i am. but look – here’s what there is to 1. what can or cannot be changed. cannot: character and personality (face it – you’re born with it). can: lifestyle, nurture interest, values, etc.
2. changing can be dangerous if you are doing it for somebody else as you might change so much you don’t recognize yourself anymore (though real changes do happen when they come from an internalized realization). improving, on the other hand, is risk-free. nobody is born perfect but if you think there is no need to reflect and refine yourself anymore because there is someone out there waiting to accept all your flaws, can i try to liberate you by asking: aren’t we here to learn and improve as we live?
lifestyle, among many other things shapes a person’s values. a recent relationship made me questioned my values in life. finally, i have come in terms with agreeing that i feel ashamed about the time i use to apply makeup before climbing a hill, the beauty of fireworks i missed because i was always so busy taking pictures or worse, the
woman lady i would have become earlier and where it would have taken me if i wasn’t so superficial.
lucky for us, we are neither leopards nor inanimate objects. our lifestyle changes as we grow older, while our values rearrange themselves on the pyramid chart to accommodate us as we adapt to different surroundings. however, it takes time to take one’s level of accepted standards up a notch and in some rare cases (like mine), needed a chance and a tad of faith that i wasn’t given.
at the end of the day, be this love about romanticists or realists, changes / improvements or values, here’s one way to conclude: if there are a million excuses to leave, there are also a million excuses to stay. i guess you love me a lot, but you don’t love me enough (as i love you) for us to be.
p/s: to you non-single ladies out there, unless you want to be single like me, listen. when there is no problem, DON’T LOOK FOR ONE. women are sensitive creatures and we sense when something is wrong. but on the other hand, deep down inside we do know what is important to talk about, what is not, and when to talk about what. easy to remember, but difficult to practice, ain’t it?