The Love Scale
If only there was a scale to measure love, wouldn’t life be easier? Imagine a see-saw with a weighing scale on each side. Every month you do a ‘rain check’ like so:
Baby, put all your love on the left . . . Thank you.
Now i am gonna put mine on the right . . . There we go . . . Perfect!
If the other weighs heavier on one side, simply take some love from that side, mix it with the inadequate love on the other end, and . . . Voila! The dream of achieving mutual love is succeeded! So now the question is, where can i get a ‘love scale’?
The answer is: BLINDFOLD YOURSELF.
People become so blind for love but little do they know that it is also when you are blind, you see most clearly. Be very aware, that in this context i literally mean your EYES, not your HEART. In a world where love is hard to measure, i found an otherwise interesting way to solve this never ending riddle on ‘mutual love’.
Why even bother achieving this you ask? Well, simply because like a good meal, balance is healthy. The heart, like a (sane) shrink, secretly knows the answers to everything related to love; whereas the brain can only do what it does best: rationalize decisions making (this is when the word ‘sane’ comes into picture).
So instead of talking out the love scale; which unfortunately does not exists, i kinda need you to exercise your imagination. (Of course, you must will.) Try to ‘blindfold yourself’ / imagine that you are temporarily blind, and you are dating this person you adore. Strip the aesthetics away – his Calvin Klein model face, her Victoria Secret boobs, burn the money (you’ve nothing to lose), and forget all the materials. Live with this person like Captain Jack Sparrow except with 2 eyes blind instead of 1 on a stranded island for say, a week.
During these challenging days of bare survival, how much do you think s/he really loves you? (i’m gonna use ‘he’ in this hypothetical case scenario simply because i’m a ‘she’).
- Will he feed you if he only managed to catch one fish? / Will he cook or take care of you when you are sick?
- Does he blame you for the wrecked ship? / Does he vent out his frustration of work at you without you realizing it?
- Is he giving you extra attention to help you around because you are blind? / Is he supportive towards your goals and dreams when you’re lost?
- etc, etc, etc . . .
i had an ex boyfriend whom i assume would most probably feed me EXACTLY half the fish (50-50), save his own ass first if Red Indians were to go crazy, make me feel terrible by complaining non-stop about the sinked ship, or worse, give me ‘the silent treatment’ as if i was the reason for all his misfortunes in the World.
This is how i judge the situation: Is s/he doing everything your father or mother would do for you at your worst? i am aware that this statement can be quite controversial – How can you compare your partner with your parents? But never once forget that you are with someone generally because you see a future with the person you are dating. Otherwise, what do you think you’re doing wasting precious time, wild ones?
Once you are both married, you ARE a family. i might sound like a conservative Asian being here but especially for girls; the day you 嫁出去 = the day you are ‘given away’. If my husband is not capable of taking care of me with at least half the volume of love my parents could offer, what makes me believe that he can support our whole family when children come into the picture? Having that said, ON TOP of asking the man you are in love with “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?“, use the blindfold technique again and honestly ask your heart for a sincere answer – Do you see him as a patient husband and father? / Can you live (and love) this woman as your wife forever?
ACTIONS are measures of love. Pardon me, but i come from a family where love, is unconditional. All these gestures of waiting to pick you up, or even as simple as pouring you a glass of water, could be acts of love in disguise hidden in our everyday life. Just because love is not shown in the way or manner that fits your idea of what you presume love should be, doesn’t mean the other person is not showering you with it. Everyone has a different understanding of love, and to learn all ways of giving and receiving love is a beautiful art to master.
Say s/he is not romantic anymore and you call his/her love habitual or routined. Don’t you forget that he does have a choice to have a beer outside with his friends at some local bar checking out the neighborhood’s hotter wives. And to guys who have good wives: Why is it so hard to appreciate your lady who would give you a good back rub after work any day, when you most probably know another colleague’s wife who is probably getting her nails painted everyday with her husband’s salary after a cup of tea, followed by a marathon series on Astro into the night? (Again, i apologize for my stereotyping. To anyone this post accidentally stepped tail on, no offense – i’m just trying to bring my point across for lack of a better picture.)
It is fairly easy to see from these two scenes above that anything; which does not involve things like getting stuck in traffic while listening to you complain about work is probably more fulfilling in life. So why would anyone do that if s/he doesn’t care about you? i wouldn’t. i would say go fuck yourself. After all, who owes you what?
i wish all the couples in love out there to love blindly (with blind eyes, not a blind heart). i am no Love Guru, but here’s my humble piece of advise. In the course of achieving mutual love and a healthy relationship, try to feel with your heart the TRUTH behind what you see with eyes wide open. Do not let anyone take you for granted, because you Deserve the best. Determine your path, Dictate your own future.