January 6, 2012

Blueprint

It was only (less than) a week ago when it solemly dated 1/1, but a day feels like surviving a 100 years in my own secret calendar. i remember loud and clear the massive fuel of energy churning in my head; cheering me to write down craft out my Top 10 New Year Resolutions (with pictures of places i want to visit, motto cut-outs that instantly hit-the-spot of drive and motivation, laced with dear wishes personally doodled with colour pencils) to be proudly framed as “Dream Board 2012” on my bedroom wall. It is a quite a shame that i’m writing this instead. i’ve lost the appetite for life and to live.

On career: As some of you might noticed from here, i began the dragon year with a new full-time job in the heart of the city. In fact, i am layering my life with jobs. More jobs. And more jobs. Sitting 10 hours in the office is necessary to achieve the #1 resolution of “Dream Board 2012” hanging somewhere at a corner of my head right now, while the extra sources of income may strengthen it, Insya-Allah. To those who are expecting my new online boutique launch, unfortunately the baby project has to be temporarily paused (until i find a way to add-on another job into my current career list). i don’t even have the chance to touch my camera so far; leave alone figuring out where and how to find time for blogging as often as before. Cin City is my everything and losing it would mean losing my identity, therefor reminding myself that i ain’t no Superwoman is necessary.

On love: My new year kick started off the wrong foot, while walking with him constantly felt like i was wearing shoes a size too big – that blatant emptiness that swells and crawls on your feet; you have a big hand to hold but you never know when you’ll trip, making every step you take feels so insecure. Jumping out from one relationship to another (just to see it fade and decay) is way beyond heartbreaking there is probably no right words to describe it. i rest my case.

Friendship: Apart from being betrayed by a close friend (such was the way i saw it) who’s a fan of speaking on everyone’s behalf, i met a couch surfing friend from Prague 2 days ago. It was awfully inspiring to hear about his travels around the World and we re-counted down to ‘NYE’ over the gorgeous fireworks at Dubai from his tiny camera screen over Daikanyama sushi. i told him: “i’m so sick of this place. i want get out to anywhere but here!” “You’re not sick of this country. You’re just tired of staying at the same place for too long”, was his reply. i couldn’t agree more. Why live life from dream to dream? Let yourself go…