June 16, 2014

At The Map of My Mind

Some of you must have wondered how I live my everyday life. How can I be sure of that? Quite a number of Cinners have asked throughout the years reading my blog. I find that very tough to answer truthfully and here’s why. It begins like this:

I recently came to a conclusion that anything can be interesting when you choose to dig deeper. What you find ‘down there’, you might not like so much. But in that, you learn.

For example, an ant is just an ant – until you follow its trail to discover its hill and identify the queen. Suddenly an ant becomes a journey, a story to tell. (It’s true; there are many ant stories you can find on Google. Ask me how I know.)

Same goes for a person. Your boss, a strange passer-by you meet on the streets, or even that Nepalese guard who greets you day in and day out. Each one of them is living in a saga and each window lighted up at night from where you stand at your balcony is playing someone’s deepest dreams and darkest secrets inside that small box you can never truly comprehend – a prime reason why I am always fascinated by panoramic night views. I too, carry a light. I am one of them. And so are you.

A day in the life of me is filled with mostly monologues. I live in my head most of the time and shamelessly enjoy it more than one should because in there, is an unfold map plotting the past, present, and future. I often retrace the route down my past to recall the lessons I’ve learned so that I don’t repeat the same mistakes again. Once in a while I revisit my magical childhood to reconnect with my roots.

One who fails to be in the present is one who misses out the most. I don’t know how present one can be at any random moment, but for me to be in this milieu requires exiting the ‘map’ and refocusing on my two feet and eyes; pairing both to see, breathe and acknowledge my presence on earth. We might just be a small dot in ratio to the size of the world, but we have a lot. We have gained a lot. But how much do we treasure? How much are we offering back?

The future is a distant dream that is made closer by actions or dragged far by nothing. Either ways, both takes time (and perhaps a dust of luck) in order to be transformed into the present. Ere I can arrive, I voyage through my mind map over and over again; dropping pins to make better trails or in other words, design a plan I can use in reality to get there. Though I have to admit, that sometimes I indulge a bit too much in the zephyr whispers and misty fragments of where I’d like to be.

Haven’t you realized that to have the ability to dream, is like owning a devilish fairy who teaches you how to curtail your odyssey, without actually getting you there? 

So whether I am working, travelling, or simply being idle, this is how I live my life most of the time. I don’t know exactly what to think of it or how to think of it, but this is me. This is truth.