The Resolutions (2011)
i’ve been crafting this post in my head instead of here in this pad because i needed an answer first.
The question was, will he stay?
When a|x was back in Spain for X’mas, i bumped into someone we know at a bar who brought across the classic topic : Live for Yourself!
i was bombarded with questions like :
- Will you drop everything here and leave with him if he asks you to?
- If yes, are you doing it for him, or for you?
- What will you do if he leaves without you?
- Why aren’t you doing it now? Are you staying for him?
The reason why i needed an answer from a|x before writing this was because, 2 out of my 5 new year resolutions will only be made compulsory if he stays.
Usually when a girl gets into a relationship, she starts living for him. i’ve seen so many people doing that. In fact, i already have a few victims in my head. So is it wrong, to live for someone else? Can you control the amount you wanna give in a relationship?
(Un)fortunately, most guys don’t commit this mistake. But i figure it must be hard for them sometimes. When they go out a lil’ too often, we start comparing them with clingy boyfriends. When they get too clingy, we say they’re acting like a pussy.
p/s: this does not happen to me – i’m just generalizing the issue.
On 31st December 2010, i celebrated NYE with a|x thru a videocall with deafening village fireworks as our romantic “background music”. i told him about my new year resolutions :
- Make the online boutique i’m working on recently a success.
- Earn more money to travel more.
- Drink more water; which a|x says doesn’t count -.-
While 4 and 5 depends on whether he stays :
4. Master Spanish.
5. Learn to make awesome Tapas.
After the videocall, i thought to myself : Why must 4 and 5 exist only if a|x stays? i defended myself at the bar, but am i living in denial? What if i am subconsciously living for someone else? =/
So #6 appears in my resolution list for 2011. Here is how it sounds :
6. Live for me, with him.
Even if a|x were to leave, i will STILL learn Spanish and i will STILL make good Tapas for myself! 8)
You can’t always calculate how much you give VS receive to be in a healthy relationship. Somehow you have to just be and be happy. It is all about maintaining a balance. Well, easier said than done, but when you meet a real man (i stress the word MAN), it comes naturally.
So i stopped asking The Question and finally received The Answer :
a|x came back with a recipe book in Spanish – how thoughtful! Now i can accomplish #4 AND #5 AT THE SAME TIME!! 😀
Also, two extra special gifts from Salamanca; which i later found out (the hard way) that his mum helped him picked for meee~! ♥
The silver flower-like symbol you see above is called botón charro. Charro is a jewel button belonging to traditional folklore in Salamanca, Spain.
Now i own 2 earrings with “Charra watermarks” on, and you can’t get ’em unless you fly to Europe!!! hahaha *evil* q:
a|x and i are crazy fans of ICE CREAM so he brought back 2 cute ice cream bowls (with that message down there, you just have to feel guilty leaving ’em empty)!
And then i also found out that…
Remember this necklace he gave me on the right? Well he’s got one too!!! OMG you won’t geddit but it is also a kind of happiness for me okayyy… i just got to tell you this!! lol
Alright.. so that was my 2011 resolutions story. What’s yours? 😉