May 31, 2013

The First Countdown

after a whole full month of wanderlust filled escapade, my fingers are finally ready to tap dance on my missing MacBook; resting the way it always does on my lap and a half-crooked vertebrate in bed this warm sunny Friday afternoon.

during this long period of absence, i have had a lot to think. honestly, i am unsure if they are subjects people usually talk about, but today we try.

at this very moment, millions of missions in this world are being pursued. but in my humble opinion, the one thing that everyone dream of, is to meet the person they love, who would love them back equally. so let’s say you found this so-called person, now what?

before we get absorbed into the trend of instant marriages today or the fear of crazily ticking biological clock, i reckon it’s wisest we analyze this shared mission a little further.

(generally) a man is most romantic when he has not scored a woman, whereas a woman is most romantic when she is in love with a man. clearly, romance does not necessarily has to be involved in the subject of love when it comes to men. but as a romantic person myself, i am beginning to weigh the differences between loving someone and being in love with someone. is the existence of love alone, enough?

the most obvious fact to me, is that you will love the person as long as you have fallen in love with them. but you have to learn how to love someone, if the fall has never happened at the first place. and as for this lesson to be learned, so far i have only recognized one mean and it is to discreetly deceive one’s own heart, and i’d rather not go there. as a curious human being, i am still learning to recognize other means.

i can love my dad, my brother, my dog; all the same way. but i believe that loving your other half has to be a special kind of love in order for a(n ever lasting) marriage to last endure all the challenges two souls would have to face in a relationship. life is as easy as we want it to be, but truth is, life has never promised to obey the plans we make. therefore, in my love dictionary, i have identified the three pillars that are necessary in a functional relationship:

trust. respect (cum understanding). attraction (turn admiration).

trust is the most basic ingredient in order for a steady relationship to kickstart. period. secondly, i believe if you respect a person enough, automatically you will be open to listen to your partner in order to develop a healthy understanding; whether it is to agree (or agree to disagree) in various matters.

being attracted to your other half however, is something rather temporary, but carries with it quite an undeniable abundance of importance. if you had to choose the most superficial looking pillar, most likely you would pick the third. everyone seems to be telling me that love fades after the first year of relationship, so why bother?

i listened and wondered if these people knew that ‘attraction’ can be more than it is about good looks. overtime, this value transforms into admiration in terms of a person’s quality, values, or anything found within which is more profound. when this pillar is broken, most likely the other two slowly follow; starting with less effort given to each other, resulting in a flat daily routine; collapsing respect, and if you are so unlucky, the fundamental trust.

this story is the difference between two kinds of women i know. i could give any Prada bag to Jane and she would be happy as long as it is a Prada. i could give any Prada bag to Gabriella and she might ask me if that is the only design she could have. neither is right nor wrong; which kind are you?

it is true we only live once and we have all the reasons to fear in terms of risks, failure, regrets. call me a silly dreamer, but i would love to believe that only those who dare to question the norm, see stretch the big picture, take responsibility to weigh options, and have the wisdom to turn dream into reality; are the ones who discover the secret to a healthier, longer lasting love; skipping the whole divorce bullshit later in life.

so if you ask me, i would say yes, it is important to be in love with the person you love – especially at the beginning of a blossoming relationship. if you are 5 years to hitting menopause, then i doubt there is much for us to talk about; because all the good you’ve found in the man you have, be it few or many, are the tools you should grab and learn how to utilize in order to make a real family work.

but if you have the time and youth to discover the ways it means most to you this lifetime, be brave and be strong to let the right kind of love grow in your heart in order for you to be you. love can be overrated, but after all, what in the world today is not?