April 6, 2015

Five Signs It’s Time To Leave

When it comes to relationships, I’ve always been the last one to let go. It didn’t take me long to realize that it is because I was too scared to say goodbye. My fear of regret overwhelms everything my heart knows best to be true. I rather be left and not have to deal with the “what ifs” that may haunt me forever. This mindset has taken a long, bad, toll on my relationships.

Admitting to yourself that a relationship has ran its course is the hardest thing to do because it is the first step. Ain’t the first step, always the hardest. At this point, you are actually standing at a crossroad between holding on to what’s left salvaging, or to toughen up and leave. And we all know it takes forever (or a lifetime for some) to pull the latter stunt.

No matter how many people advise you that it is better to do it sooner than later, those advises only become noise that ring in your ears when you sleep at night. There might be a right time for everything, but there is never a right time for a breakup. You just have to break it when it is the right thing to do. But how would you know if it’s right, right?

As I grow to become more of a woman, I find myself seeing things clearer. It is as if my mind has grown a pair of invisible eyes that could see better than the pair I’m born with. I begin to sense more truth with my heart rather than believing words wrapped in ribbons gifted to me. I love you(s) are beautiful words indeed but what are they, really, when you can’t feel the warmth that radiates from them if they were so true?

I feed on love as my life fuel but somewhere down the road I start to numb myself with a pocket full of faith that things can work out. With that, I fall into my own solitude; living in an imaginary world of us that doesn’t even exists. The saddest kind of loneliness is actually not the kind when you have nobody, but when you are with somebody.

It takes time for one to learn and identify whether a relationship is healthy and with that I’ve learned The 5 Signs It’s Time To Leave.

1. You run out of things to say to each other. 

Everyday conversations are limited to “How’s your day?” and “I’m going to bed”. This is different from being comfortable with silence. You have more things to say to your reflection in the mirror about him, rather than to him. He has more to tell his friends than to you.

2. The both of you don’t feel engaged or connected. 

You tried everything TimeOut magazine suggests romantic couples do and it still feels artificial. Your soul blends more with the ambience rather than with his. All the other tables are filled with chatters and laughters while yours has empty emotions. Sadly, the both of you are happier hanging out with other cliques.

3. You feel more wanted when you’re outside than with him.

Even the goofy valet guy who whistles “Amoi, you cantik lah” as you walk by makes your day, because he has stopped looking into your eyes the way he used to. He wraps his arms around himself most of the time instead of your waist.

4. He makes you wait. 

You’re left to guess what his Whatsapp time stamp means. Gone were the days he used to message you when he is going to pick you up. Now he is basically gone until he decides to text you, prepped with a “sorry” after; even when you’ve already planned your date together.

5. You mentioned all the above 8742372354309 times and there is still no improvement. 

What happened to all the effort he once put in just to get you? Isn’t he the same guy? You know his capacity to love but now he’s just not capable anymore? Owh, what bull!

No matter how hard you try to make it work, you will fail. You will fail because a relationship takes two. That’s why it is called a ‘relation’. Just because you are comfortable with each other doesn’t mean one can stop putting in effort to make the other feel worthy or happy in the long run.

The rule is simple: A man who (really) loves you will come back in time to fix it for good, because he can but doesn’t want to lose you. If he starts having reckless ‘fun’, know that it’s your time to start moving on. Whenever you feel lost, pull yourself together and grip your despair by the balls. Start to love yourself because can’t you see, that the person most worth loving at the end of the day, is you?

P.S. Of course, this article applies perfectly for men too.