B F F ?

i wrote this earlier in my head while sitting on a toilet bowl before typing it on my MacBook. it started with a seed of thought that sprouted into leaves of ideas in many directions.

i always proudly claim that i have a handful of best friends. my definition of “best friend” is someone who never fails to be there for you whenever you fall. they are people who understand that we have our own lives, and will never get jealous if we are busy having coffee with others instead. they are imperfect people whom we’ve come to accept and love just like our family.

a|x had a new friend from Spain who came to work in KL. he suggested a barbeque and asked me to invite my girl friends over. i was about to pre-introduce my best friends to him with words, when i was interrupted by the sentence “these girls are always her BEST friends. but the last time they saw each other, was like 3 months ago!” then it got me wondering – is a “best friend” rank measured by how frequent we update its status?

one thing i love about a|x is his genuine nature to care about the welfare of my friends. i enjoy habituating in a domestic space with someone i love a lil too much, and that makes it easy to forget about the World when life gets so comfortable. when i get stuck in that rut for too long, a|x would offer to be our BFF planner so we can revive our idle friendships. apparently the girls in Spain, aren’t like that.

so is it true, that we Asian girls are only great friends when we’re single? do we really neglect our girl friends when we’re in a relationship? if we do, does that mean we don’t (deserve to) have best friends? is it normal to prioritize our boyfriend? what is the perfect balance between our girl and boy friends? is my definition of “best friend”, wrong?

 

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22 comments

  1. i’m guilty at neglecting my girlfriends but i try…

    1. as long as we’re not like j….. lololol

  2. Your definition of best friend is not wrong at all Cindy :)
    I have a best friend of 9 years. And the last time we met each other was half a year ago. Our friendship did not deteriorate because of distance or even how frequent we meet, but rather, how we make full use of the time we get to spend together.
    She’s been in Singapore for 3 years now, and for 3 whole years we’ve been relying pretty much on Skype and MSN to exchange gossips and whatnot.
    As life goes on, every individual have different priorities, we all have different dreams to live, different goals to achieve.
    Your best friend will always be your best friend, no matter what happens :)

    1. thanks for agreeing with me. *proves a|x wrong! hahaha girl power XD

  3. You bring your MacBook into your toilet? :p

    1. i programmed it in my head :p

  4. not only girls neglect their best friends when they are in a relationship, even boys do the same
    here’s my story
    when they have no one with them, they will talk to you, chat with you all the time (I’m in a relationship but I don’t neglect my friends because it’s so wrong)
    and tell me, they love having and wish to maintain the beautiful friendship between us till we get older because we are merely best friend who shares everything… =)
    but things didn’t turn out to be like what they used to say.
    after they have found someone new, they tend to neglect you and get closer with their someone special…and also, they won’t even talk to you so often like those days because they are worried of her getting jealous of our boy and girl bestfriend-hood.

    so ridiculous. so whatever their choices are, i’m now trying to keep a distance with them already.

    1. i could relate to this comment. the part about these guys who don’t talk to me anymore bcuz i hv a bf.. what’s that all about?! also, when they have a gf, they totally distance themselves too. that’s true. pffttt. #FTL maybe the World is like that -_-

      1. LOL. How nice if we all can come together and be real good friends huh? Sometimes, I just wish, friends come and stay forever. It’s so heart wrenching seeing friends who we are so closed with, suddenly, turn their back on you and become like a stranger to you… Eff those boyfriend and girlfriend issue, can’t we just remain as close as those days, and bring their new bf or gf to join the crowd also? Isn’t that much more fun? ;D I just don’t understand…

      2. that’s so true. why can’t we? if the bf joins us he feel liks we’re doing “girl stuff” & he should be doing “macho stuff”. but i don’t feel like i should be doing otherwise if i had to watch football! sigh~

  5. erm..i have a group of friend when i was in uni..then somehow this particular friend of this group were picked together with me to work in the same institution. we were fine. but one thing i only got to know after being this close to her is she’d become so emo and keep posting things on FB about friendship, when i have some other stuff on hand (by which i mean BF, and others)..not that i didnt ‘contact’ her, but she take it waaaaay too seriously til too emo and over possesive..later i found out other friends has kena this before too..that also made me thought like what you’ve just written.. coz i have my childhood friend whom i call my ‘community sisters’/’siblings’, and my primary/secondary school/uni friends, all of whom i dont ‘contact’ much but once we meet up it was like just yesterday we stopped the conversation and we’re picking up from where we left,without any awkwardness..i think it is all about heart, and knowing that they’ll always be there, even when all else are absent..let’s just say, even the BF needs to go to office to work, no? as simple as that, tak kan 24hrs stick to her =_=. but it is like, you know when you see/read something you’d think about her, and let her know, that’s good..and sometimes, meet up for girly time..*sigh* i wrote about this ‘alone time’ post too: http://vivienne-vvt.blogspot.com/2011/06/heavy-duty-post.html kinda related..haha..

    1. *LIKE*! btw, is that friend of yours a lesbian? or perhaps her starsign is a Cancer? my best friends i mentioned, it’s like what u said – we can pick up from where we stopped & chat like there’s no tomorrow! so much to update n all; i feel like we R best friends! but my bf says we’re not because we don’t see each other often enuf wtf =.=

      1. dont think she is lesbian haha..oh another scene: when i sms her to say happy birthday or something else, she’d reply: oh you still remember me ah?i thought you forgot me already? =__=x

      2. wahlau~ so xiao qi one?! what’s wrong with her weih… #FHL she needs a glue to be her friend -_-

  6. do you believe me if i say i dont have any good girl friends? lol my best friend is a guy and i can talk almost everything with him. unlike the girls, they might just let the cat out of the basket -.- i have too many friends, too many that i dont know who to trust. i moved from my hometown where i stayed for 10 years to a place nearby my hometown where im currently staying at. somehow my current town’s friend acquainted my hometown friends via fb and they started contacting and neglecting me. i felt so left out. one (not just one actually) is my old friends for 10 years and another is my friend for 4 years, the latter friend would purposely come and ask me about my old friend’s status and I didnt know anything then she would go like bla bla bla and said “didnt you know?”. who wouldnt get mad/jealous about this?? :(
    wtf were they thinking?! and LOTS of other things happened. grrr so complicated pffft.

    1. of coz i believe u! at one point most of my bffs are guys & it was actually 1 of the most fun period ever. but when i have a bf, they seem to turn their back around & then i realized.. maybe they are not friends. they are people who wish they might get something else. T_T

  7. haha i still talk to you even you have a bf or i have a gf hoh.. :P

  8. For me, I used to be guilty of being overly-concerned with what my girl friends think and neglected my bf a lil too much. (Once in a while he reminds how badly I treated him then >.<) But I believe there has to be a balance. We have to make time for both bf AND bffs, cos both parties deserve our undivided attention and time. If bf and bffs can hang out together, even better ! I do think though, that it's normal to prioritize your bf. But then again, if we do it too often, the girl friends will feel abandoned. However, I do hope it's not too demanding of me to say that I hope my bffs would understand when I need to spend time with my bf and gift me that time :) But we should not cheapen that gift by neglecting our bffs. We need our "girl time" anyway. I'm sure you'd agree that's different from bf-time :P Anyway, for me, best friends are people that I can confide in and talk to about anything at all. Even if 3 months have passed since I last spoke/seen them, when you can just slip into old habits without even blinking, then those are REAL bffs :D I always think of them like an old pair of snug comfy loafers. :))))))

    1. nice! old pair of comfy loafers! haha~ i have a best friend; Ai Rene who works in OZ rite now but every time we see each other (once a year) it’s like the ol’ times & it beats all other friendships i have in the world. sounds exaggerated, but true. :)

  9. [...] 12 Jun The thought came to me after reading Cindy’s (I make her sound like a friend of mine here but she’s famous blogger I happened to stalk almost everytime I come online. :p) post on BFF. [...]

    1. i might not be your friend (yet), but again the definition of ‘friend’ lies in “the person herself, how she see things in life.” now we are online friends! ^^

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