The Love That Was

Ignorance is bliss. But to ignore is (really) something easier said than done. Sometimes people do stupid things to get on your nerves; you really just wanna slice his balls off or slit her clit. But if you do manage to hold back for a minute, you’ll see that the best thing to do, is to not do anything at all.

However, even after this realization, I still feel like I owe me this. This piece of crap to you, this piece of drama for him, but what this is, is a closure for me.

* * *

Have you ever loved somebody you never thought you would? Well, I was one of them.

chuu

I fell for a guy I least thought I would like, leave alone love. I met *Z who came into this company and I was told to take a few shots of him. I thought he looked like a lizard. He was so pale and thin with his long hair covering his manly structure; I just wanted to save him, give him a makeover for the camera. Nonetheless, I thought he was kinda cute. It felt like we could be best friends.

People were teasing us behind his back and that whisked up nothing into something. Being the then flirtatious me, I sent him a text adding a random word “Crabbie~!!!!!” at the end of it. I guess that was when everything started.

crabbbie

We hung out. Often. We always ended up at KLCC when we aimed for Pavilion and vice versa. There was this one time when I was wearing a G-string and my period came so I dragged him all the way to LaSenza and bought a panty that spells “naughty” lol. It was the simple funny things like this that made us enjoyed each other.

*Z and I were IKEA buddies. I was moving into my new place at that time. All I had was a cupboard, a bed, and a lamp. One night I was just telling him of my OCD (how I must arrange my clothes according to colours) and he amazed me because most guys I meet would just say “You’re weird” but fuck that shit. With *Z, talking to him was never a waste of time. To me, his intellectuality spells sexy.

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Our friendship blossomed like pink Sakura flowers in spring. What happened to it?

* * *

Summer is when spending time together never seems to be enough for a new couple. *Z is not a romantic kinda guy but for me, he was the best he could be.

It took me a while to learn that if a business man gives you a Benz and that is his all, it doesn’t mean that a fisherman who gives you a Proton means he loves you less. I am not talking about materials, but in terms of love. I used to force *Z eat tofu because I think it is nice – but what is the point if he eats it for me but actually still think it tastes like shit?

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But the season changed and autumn felt so long. As the leaves turned gold, I think this love withered. There was no more Sakura.

We started noticing the differences, expectations became higher, I got disappointed, he got tired. Many times we promised to meet each other halfway. We did it, but in our journey, I think we lost ourselves. We walked beyond halfway and didn’t stay there long enough to see each other eye to eye.

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From this relationship, I experienced what “loving is accepting” all about because truth is, people don’t change. How good I was as a girlfriend is not for me to say. A friend once told me – that is perceived value. But what I know is, I not only loved, but I loved to accept him for who he is.

If I was Ribena, when winter came I was red wine. I thought this love had ripen, but *Z was acting all cool and I felt so cold. I wanted to spend time with him just like we did during summer, but he was too busy. He said he tried and I wondered what was there to try when it is about what you want.

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I don’t need a boyfriend handcuffed to me. All I wanted was to know that he would love to see me too. It was this priceless thing he failed to give me that made us both so unhappy. You think so?

Not quite. I believed the truth is his love was lost somewhere along the way. At first it was the fire works you see on new year’s eve, now it is those cheap ones you throw to the ground.

* * *

I was dumped. I believed what we needed was some time and space to breathe, so I insisted on a 2 weeks break instead of a breakup, and he agreed.

On 27th March, my cousin dragged me to the club. It was Earth Hour day. Sad but potentially the day I would hate most in my life right now. I knew he was going there earlier around 8, and didn’t expect him to stay till late.

I was on the way to the loo when I saw him dancing on the dance floor; rockin’ his groin kinda moves. It was the twelfth day of our break and I didn’t wanna jinx anything so the girls and I went to Phuture.

But somehow, there was this incredibly strong feeling in my heart tugging me towards him, and a clear voice inside my head asking me to follow my heart.

heart

I got to go, I told my cousin. Well go ahead, she said, but we won’t follow you.

I swam past an ocean of sweat of horny people and then I saw – the most horrible, disgusting scene happening in front of my eyes.

miro18Alcohol-de-Menthe-Posters

I was literally stoned. My brain got disconnected. My mind didn’t want to believe what the eyes identified…

Under the disco lights, I see his lips kissing and kissing this girl I never met. His tongue stuck inside her mouth; locked on tight. Those arms around her body; so close I could feel it. I tried to deny what I was seeing but I knew I was right when I noticed his colleagues stared at me looking at him.

I carried what’s left of me and touched his arms but he couldn’t even feel me. He couldn’t feel me because he was so into kissing the girl! This is worse than hearing from a friend that your boyfriend is cheating. I held him again and this time he turned around and looked at me. He smiled.

He smiled.

There goes an apology speech of how I didn’t deserve to see that but then I thought to myself – I can also kiss any guy I want, but am I doing it? For 12 days I suffered, fell sick, went crazy, but swallowed it all whole-heartedly because there was this dim glimmer of chance that this relationship could be saved.

I have never felt this happy for the longest time. Now when I speak, I feel the whole world stops. I don’t and I just couldn’t love you the same way as I did before“, was the answer I received.

* * *

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My hypothesis, proven. That last sentence was enough to break me into pieces. All I knew was I loved him. I gave my heart and my all. And what do I get?

I kept asking myself what have I done wrong; so wrong to deserve this. Or what have I not done to save it. But that shouldn’t matter anymore, should it? What happened to the man I once knew so well?

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There goes all my trust and respect I had for *Z as a man. Down the drain it went. He said he hope we can be friends, but do real friends cheat? Neither a man, nor a friend. He is a beast.

He used to say it was me who humiliated this relationship through my emo Tweets and Facebook updates. I air dirty laundry. But honey nothing beats what you did, now you won. I hope you are happy now.

flower

He said I think he is easy to bully. That he can actually get any girls he wants. All he has to do is just talk. And I bullied him, just because he was miscued. How could anyone in this world say such a thing… that I bully him by accidentally catching him red handed in the club?

I was his biggest fan. I may need more growing up to do, but all I wanted was to be there by his side and cheer for him till the day he says to me, “Baby, I think I made it. We are there now.

It is sad that I can’t be the one and it is even sadder that I’ve stopped wishing him the best, because the truth is, a person like him has to fall to be.

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Despite all that, I still love him. I can put my words in BOLD and say “*Z is a jerk he should get AIDS fuck him no time” but who am I lying to? You can lie to everyone in this world but don’t ever lie to yourself. I’m just gonna be honest with my feelings and move on in my own time. I miss him. )=

If I were *Z, I wouldn’t know how to face Cindy anymore. But as Cindy, I hope we can still be friends one day and chill like we used to. This world is so big and amongst billions of them, we once had a chance to walk together hand in hand. That must’ve mean something right?

* * *

Speaking about the big World, the next day after the tragic incident, I was introduced to a girl by a friend. You won’t believe me, but she was the girl he kissed.

IS MY LIFE A COMEDY OR WHAT?!

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164 comments

  1. I know how hurt it is to witness your own lover cheating in front of you…The good thing is, at least you found out his true colors before you decide to walk down the aisle with him. I believe you’ll meet your Mr.Right when the time is ripe. Good luck! =)

    1. thanks lemonade. so r u a ripe lemon? hahaha

  2. I hope you feel better as time passes by.
    You inspire me even when you’re down!
    Cheer up Cindy!

    1. thanks Hui Mei. i don’t know how i did that, but… hurray! (:

  3. This is a classic post though a rather sad one for Princess
    Cin.You deserve better than this man.To give your love and
    in return for loosing your heart means that he is not worth
    your love.I know it’s easier said than done but you have to
    move on and do not despair for you will surely meet a better
    one.Learn from your experience and gain from it.Wish you
    all the best and may you find happiness and love that you
    truly deserved.

    1. i can’t wait for the day i could say what u’re saying to me rite now…

      1. Hope you can recover fast and be your bubbly
        self again.Be fortitude, for there is no
        future without a past.Failing in love
        teaches you more so that you will regain
        your confidence and learn to love again.

  4. You alright Cindy? You’re lucky you ‘caught’ him red handed otherwise wouldn’t it be worst if you guys get back together just to realised after that he’s a cheater? Well, sort of. Btw, is it JT? Ahh, take care sweetie. Cheers.

    1. he never wanted me back anyway… i guess.. or a guy wouldn’t do such a thing

  5. It may not mean much to you, Cindy, but your readers’ love you very much and are with you all the way.

    1. thanks for reminding me. *hugs*

  6. Cindy,I have been there like you, and what you need now is
    TIME,take plenty of time for yourself to pick the pieces.
    You should be happy to discover this early and saying bye
    bye to him now, because you deserve someone better and you
    are on your way getting there!

    1. it’s hard to be happy about this thing i should be happy about . XD

  7. Now I get it. It’s really hard to force yourself to hate him because you still love him, huh? One thing you must know about us guys is that we will be lonely without love… so desperately, so that girl was able to provide him that (or a fling).We have a very fragile heart compared to girls.That’s why we can get really emotional no matter how cool we are. That is why taking a break is never really a smart thing to do cuz probability of the guy cheating can be about 75% chance of doing so.

    It’s either the girl or the guy need to have the responsibility to hold on to/fix the relationship. Treasuring it likes it’s the 1st and most important thing in your life. A guy will realize it when the girl has given it all to him (unless he is a dumb shit than I have nothing to say la), then sooner or later…that man will do the same. And that’s how most relationship work out.Must already develop the strong commitment from the start.

    My guess would be that sooner or later, Z is probably gonna leave that girl whom u saw that time…and he’ll come back to you to try and start over again, but the question is…will you give that 2nd chance after what he has done to you. This is the exact same situation to a girl that I onced loved, she asked me this question whether she should go back to him that left her for another…she so confused because she still loves him and loyal to him.

    Heart breaking it is for me to hear, I told her this…
    ” Do you see yourself having a more wonderful relationship with him than before?” and she said yes.

    1. but the question is, are all guys the same?

      1. no, we are all very different…just need to get to know them well enough before taking the next step. But I will tell u that most of us guys hide behind a mask…all that it takes is alot of love, trust and understanding. Who knows, even a normal ordinary guy is the one for you, just need the eyes to see it. =)

  8. cheaters are not worth it. cheer up cindy your readers love u. =)

    1. thanks for letting me know that ((:

  9. gosh. *HUGS*

    cheer up. do all you can to keep you busy. and sooner than you realise, you’ll be fine (:

    *HUGS*

    1. i make myself busy until i don’t see what’s the point anymore

  10. i think most of us kissed some bad ‘frogs’ before we finally meet our prince charming.. don’t be sad cindy.. am sure there’s a mr. right out there for u :)

    cheer up

    *hugz*

    1. the FROG! right… so clever ;)

  11. tears went down a bit while i was reading ur post..and im a guy.lol.
    been there before in my life..been thru lots and lots of bad relationship until i think that relationship is just aint for me..
    i think that it is very true that people won’t change, as much as you gave them chances and hope to change..they will squander it
    most of the time..so take your time to heal and hope your spring will bring you love in the air again..btw..i noticed that you
    stopped commenting on our comments recently..dats y i suspected sumthing happened to u..n it is true..take care cindy…

    1. i’m surprised that u noticed that. ^^ i’m the best i could b rite now; still trying to update Cin City no matter how shit i feel …

      1. u hv so many people here for u..so dun give up becoz of that guy only..life is more than just a mere failed relationship..
        u got ur hold life in front of u..so nvr waste it..eat well..we dun wanna see skinny cindy in the next post..bwahahaha. ;)

  12. *hugs cindy

    you deserve the best and i swear you will find it :)

    1. thanks for the confidence sweetie… <3

  13. Hope everything is well for you, hun! Its always hard to control your feelings and the more you want to forget/hate someone,the harder it is gonna be.Just stay strong and you’re gonna be alright. You know you deserve better. :)

    ps: this is a very well written piece

    1. thanks Adeline. u r really 1 of my most loyal readers. lov u max lah!

  14. Cindy,do cheer up. I know all the words doesn’t mean anything but please!at least try for all of your readers :)

    1. i m trying… i promise..

  15. hey cheer up.. must be a bad thing to be experiencing all these.. i hope you’ll be strong and take care! =)

    1. thanks ken. i wanna b funny n +’ve like u too!

  16. I could feel your pain from the way you told me about this *hugs* sigh. Somehow, I feel I could relate to certain parts of your story but having to witness that with your own eyes is just…painful.

    The shitty part is you know you deserve better but you somehow wanna be stuck with this someone in hope that he will change and come back to you …till you get a wake up call.

    Hope you are feeling better already babe, hope blogging it out helped you as well. Be strong k, you know you are! *hugs*

    1. dear michelle, thanks so much for understanding. blogging this out does make myself feel a bit better. <3

  17. crap, so long. sien.

    next chapter please.

    1. Joanna Lee on

      omg.. what kind of friend are u?

      1. a friend he doesn’t deserve

      2. you don’t know what kind of friend i am, so yeah XD hahahahahaha

  18. Look at the brightside!

    1. too bright eyes can’t open @.@

  19. hey coussie!*hug hug*
    the next will be another better one! personal msg me in msn whenever u need someone to talk to. I couldn’t be by your sight to hear you, but i guess some other good frens of urs r always there for u!
    be prepared for your new love chapter! the next one goinna be much better!! u don deserve to be sad ! <3

    1. hey coussie. problem is, i don’t even want a new chapter. i just really feel like dying.

  20. tht simply means… he is not ur best… ur best has yet to come…

      1. he is right, cindy. The real guy is on his way. Like most of are waiting for our one person to share our life with =). So cheer up, k?

  21. Buang yg keruh, ambil yg jernih…you learnt from the experience. It’s just time to let go. :) Hope you are all right.

    1. i suka ni. paling suka komen u. Buang yg keruh, ambil yg jernih. GOOD!

  22. Crying is the best thing that you can do now, cry it out loud, and let all your anger out of you. Because it’s hard to face the boy that means the most to you just left your world. So all you can do, it’s to LET IT GO. Move on, don’t look back. Let him know that, you can live happily without and make him regret for hurting you. So cheer up, you lost him already, but don’t lose yourself. Jia you!!

    1. honestly, i’m losing myself. haha! fml

  23. Hah!! there is hope for me! :)

  24. Awww *hugs.
    There is nothing to say is there? :(

  25. be strong k! *hugs*

    1. m tryin’ my best honey (;

  26. cheer up *hugs*

  27. *hugs*

    not trying to steal the limelight from you.

    i once stood outside a hotel-room door. inside was my ex-gf and another guy.

    can u imagine the heart-stabbing moaning sounds i am hearing from outside?

    i walked off.

    2 years has passed. and i still love her. haizzz…

    stay strong cindy. his dick will rot!

    1. oh dear. i tried to imagine being in your shoes. i think i will faint in front of the door. =.=”

  28. Hi Cindy, been reading your blog for quite sometime and it’s always so positive, I was a little shocked when I saw this post. I hope you’ll bounce back on your feet soon. It’s his loss for letting you go. I really hope you’ll cheer up soon. *hugs

    1. i had been trying to hold back n not say anything until i clear my mind a lil. glad i finally wrote this closure. now i just need more time…

  29. holi cow!!!! the ending part….

    1. ya rite~ tell me about it. -____________________-”

  30. He was just a clown with no balloons for you, give his address to your dad and he’ll fix it for you :)

    1. … my parents know this story. they have been very supportive. i’m glad for that..

  31. Ouch, that must have hurt really really badly. Stay strong,
    you have all the love from the readers! Trust me, time will heal all the pain! Eat lots of comfort food. :)

    1. haihh… i don’t feel like swallowing anything; even ice-cream. ):

  32. I hope it isn’t Jeremy you are referring to

      1. God.. so it was him.

        Shit

  33. a good horse never eats return grass..
    even if he comes back to u one day,it’ll be just for sex.Dun even allow that to happen.

    1. i like the horse part. good one mate~ ;)

  34. you got courage girl.
    to be honest with you,
    i never liked you ever since i watched you on Malaysian Dreamgirls.
    however,
    after sometime reading your blogs and stuff,
    i had come to my senses that you’re actually very nice.
    =)
    i adore your courage there hanging on wads left of you.
    most girls caught their bf cheating would probably slap him hard!
    but you did the right thing girl,
    you stayed cool and calm. <3 it.
    i wish you every happiness you deserve in this world.
    at the end of the day,
    you're a WINNER!
    you deserve a better companion.

    1. Thanks a lot Vincy. i’ve always just stay true to myself. i appreciate your support. <3

  35. *hugssss*

    cheer up gal…time will heal :) hope u get better in anytime soon

    1. thanks vOon. time heals everything yea? :)

      1. yea…although we have no idea how long or how short izit..
        haha….but when this kind of thing happen..I will tell u that u r lucky, cause luckily that not when u guys get marry d then only u found out allthese…and I guess ur life can still be good even without him…somehow we gotta brainwash ourselves..haha

  36. sorry to hear that..anyway, like u said, the world is big, I’m sure they will be someone who’s much much more worthier for u ^^

    1. … with time we will find …

    1. thanks Peter. that’s a cute picture (:

  37. I’m keyboard challenged …it’s neither my grammar nor my spelling :)

  38. Hmm…the right man will come soon before your know it..have faith. I know its easier said than done, but hey! we all been there before. Its not a good feeling I assure you. I rather move on than stick to this type of man – imagine the memory of him kissing others haunts you!! No way…I rather ditch him, feel the pain and suffering for a while and then move to the next level. You can do it too…have faith.Perhaps its good to heed to an advise I once heard before..better love a man who loved you so much than the other way around hehe…cheers Cin!

    1. i know every word u said is true, especially the last part. i really have to move on, & what i need is a bit more courage n some time… i guess

      1. Its not easy I know…you are a nice and a pretty girl, inside & out. He’s a loser who didnt see that. I AM SURE you will meet a nice person, and I pray that you will :-)…give yourself ALL the time in the world, coz TIME helps you to heal the unseen wound…but never dwell in the sadness coz it will only makes you think of the past..this is the time you need friend’s support & love :-) *HUGS*

      2. i kept dwelling it’s so wrong! FML maxxx

  39. you go girl! was in tears when i read ur blog. i could feel
    ur pain. seriously. i was in ur shoes once. but im glad ur
    strong! ur beautiful! so put ur records on and let ur hair
    down. go out! and unleash tat tigress in you. =)

    1. i don’t know what made u think i’m strong, but i believe u r too grl. *hugs*

  40. hey cin, *hugs* cheer up babe, u know yuor readers lurve u, xoxo :)

    1. thanks miss semut…

  41. Kai Han Pua on

    chill babe!! u will be fine =)
    if u need shoulder to lean on, u can select any of your readers her, im sure they are more than willing to do so =)

    1. … it’s complicated. hahaha

  42. *sobs*

    I read also wanna cry..

    I’m here for you if you need anything, you know that right? *hugs*

    1. … thanks for always bein there for me …

  43. Cindy,
    Life is a bitch…luckily life is short but
    when human being is really sad, times seems to move really
    slow and when human gets really happy ..times goes really
    fast…anyway…my point is…at this moment….i know
    u feel really bad but wish to move on for a better and happier
    day but the process is so suffering but i tell you what,
    get yourself really busy with stuff..times really flies like
    in a click…hang on there.be positive although u feel so bad but just have faith with yourself that you gonna deserve a damn big good thing to happen to you….dont worry about future coz everything
    impermanence….just pray hard and all the best to you..i hope my advise can help u to reduce your hard time…u still have your family..no worries…u are not alone…good luck!

  44. hugs to u too!!

  45. you know, how sometimes when we go to the fruit shop and ask the lady boss if the fruit is really nice. then she would go yes yes all nice no spoil. so filled with the assurance, you bought one nice sum of it and go home preparing to feast on it. when you cut open the first one, you noticed a worm in the middle.

    life is like that. at first you will be so assured that everything is going to be nice and lovely. you could see birds chirping and rainbows and autumn leaves falling on your head. then when winter comes, it gets so cold that the birds are no longer chirps, everything is white and plain and that the trees are no longer with leaves.

    i guess, what i am trying to say is that, enjoy life for the moment. the time when you lose yourself, will be the time where he really have won. you could have the victory too. by picking yourself up and be so much more happier that he never once has ever seen that happiness before :)

  46. Hey, I just got over my ex whom I thought I was in love with recently.. it took me more than a year to get to this stage and our relationship wasn’t even half that long.
    It was him telling me that he was moving on (or on top of someone who’s notorious in our circle for going through men like clothes) that finally made me realise whatever love I felt, it wasn’t for him. I was in love with the person I thought he was. Cos why would | love someone who places so little value on relationships.. that’s just not who I am and I don’t think that’s who you are either.

    One day you will realise he’s not that great
    One day you were realise you don’t love him anymore or wonder why you did in the first place
    One day the thought of why things didn’t work out won’t make you cry anymore
    One day you won’t care about being friends anymore
    Then it will be over.
    But until then *Hugs*

  47. i feel u cindy.
    i duno how to tell but i totally feel you.
    cheers cin. u totally deserve better (:

  48. Cheer up Cindy. (: You’ll feel better in time. Stay strong!

  49. :) Speechless….Keep your faith high!

  50. click and crank it up

    http://www.zshare.net/audio/7460812331ca9170/

    Close your eyes, make some fists, tuck your elbows in
    start short stepping 1…2 front…side and back, roll your
    elbows into sides nice and slowly…soon you’ll be happy.

  51. you poor gurl… It might hurt now, but you really shouldn’t dwell in the sorrow and move on. Start fresh, start anew, it might not be now, but I’m sure a deserving person who will love you for who you are will come along one day~ (I tell myself dat often too)

    Keep smiling and think positive k~ =)

    1. have u found yours then? (:

      1. Unfortunately nope, still recovering from a broken heart~

  52. Ouch I actually feel your pain, because I had similar situation before…But one thing is that, this horrible feeling will go away when you meet someone new, the one who will help you in building new happy memories… Cheers babe! =)

    1. ok.. i shall wait for that day then (=

  53. Hie Cindy,

    If I say I understand how you feel 100%, I would totally be wrong as I believe that only you and you knows how it felt. I’ve been thru what you are experiencing, and I know you wont be able to forget that man you loved simply because you really do love him. Getting a new bf or play the field would just be a method for you to lie to yourself. I think you simply have to learn to love yourself more in order to get thru this ordeal. Remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.As fragile as you may feel right now, believe me you will be able to overcome this. Just give yourself some time. Immerse yourself with things that you love, pamper yourself to the max! You will be much more mature, stronger, tougher, happier after that. Always remember this is just a chapter of your life, not the whole book. Get past it and LOVE YOURSELF ++++++++~~~!

    p/s: I admit I didnt feel better and felt cheated/betrayed/bullied until the moment I cannot tahan (coz the girl further harassed me and I didnt react to her) and finally I went up to her and slapped her in front of erm….a lot of ppl…haha…ok, I’m a bad example….but god, I felt like I lifted tonne of anger/frustration/sadness after that! and I’ve been smiling ever since…

    Nobody can help you but yourself~!
    Cheers~

    1. omg ur’s still got harassment summore WTF?!

  54. cindy..

    u have just written my story. :(
    watever advices ppl give, it will still hurt like hell.

    time heals everything. give time time.

    1. i love that. give time time. <3 10x

  55. hey there cindy, i hope time heals you and finds you someone so sososo much better who’d treat u like a queen!
    tkgdcare

  56. We’ll meet. I swear. We’ll have dinner together. Kimchi steamboat please.

    *smiles*

    It is another chapter babes. You’ve done it.

    *smile*

    1. i’ve done it. ahahhaahahahahaha i really want to laugh at myself la fml

  57. It’s part and parcel of growing babe. You will be stronger
    after this, trust me. Nowadays relationships are getting
    complicated and loyalty is always in doubt to the point i
    don’t even know if true love still exists anymore. Hang in
    there.

    1. hang on until i find a new one just to find out i can’t trust him a 100% after all lol fml

      1. Trusting someone 100% wholeheartedly? Hm.
        I used to do that before but i got burnt badly.
        Imagine someone promising you forever love but
        then you discover that that someone cheated
        on you not just once. I was in your shoes before.
        It sucks big time. Being betrayed by someone so
        dear and loved by me.
        Like i said, i find it hard to believe in true
        love anymore what more trusting someone 100%.

      2. y u also kena cheat? aiyo~ what happen T___T

  58. My heart skipped a few beats when I read the last part of the story. I can feel the pain and hurt when I am reading this. It reminded me about my past experience. Hugs..
    Hope things will be better after this..

    1. u also kena cheat b4…? sigh~ what happened to men la! sick max

  59. Z IS jeremy teo….i rmbrd a post u did with that nick Crabbie.
    it was the post where he had given u an ipod nano for your
    birthday.

    girl, u will survive this. just go out there and live your
    life the way you always knew how.

    1. livin’ it the best way i could with what i have rite now… (;

  60. Dear Cindy,
    Be strong… I always believe that what doesn’t kills you will eventually makes you stronger. Don’t try too hard… The harder you try, the harder it is to get rid of him from your mind. I know it’s not easy to move on, I myself went through something similar to yours and it took me ages to recover from it. So if you find it hard to move on… just be still and know that at least you still have your family and friends who loves and cares for you. Cheer up… it’s not the end of the world yet =))

    1. thanks Joanne. i never knew so many grls kena cheated b4 wtf?

      1. ahaha i always laugh when i hear the line whatever doesnt kill u makes u stronger. i quote the series Fearless, and believe me when i say i believe in it too “whatever doesnt kill you hurts you hell of a lot and scars you for life.”

      2. HAHAHA! i love it~ true also wtf folss

  61. well, technically, if u guys were taking a break then is it really considered cheating? think about it.

    1. i could do the same too, but i don’t want to. it’s not about breaks or cheating, do u get me?

      1. ya man, it’s not abt TECHNICALITY ok, u put urself in her shoes n tell me if u care abt the word TECHNICALLY

      2. *hi5* girl powerrrr! <3

    2. um geez, “bunny”, for someone who cheated on all her boyfriends, you sure are harsh. but yes, i have been in her shoes and i know exactly how it feels like. i know exactly how it feels like that very moment, i know exactly how it feels like every night — so please don’t judge me.

      i am just saying that the whole point of “taking a break” is that both of you are free and you are allowed to roam. and if he doesn’t come back, then it wasn’t meant to be. but he was not cheating on you. you were on a break. i don’t deny that it definitely hurts and is definitely heartbreaking.

      1. he did not do anything wrong, except betraying your trust and breaking your heart.

      2. malas nak talk to u saeki. yes he did not do anything wrong. next time u kena then u know =P

  62. when i was reading this, it was like reading my own story. i too saw my bf cheating on me in a club. but at that time we were still together. it wasnt even time-off. we went to the club together and about an hour later, his mouth was glued onto another girl’s and she was sitting on his lap. after the girl had gone, i walked right over and slapped him.

  63. that night he was so drunk, i had to take care of him all the way home. and the next day he broke up with me. like wtf?

    anyway, my point was that i totally get how you must have felt when you saw him kissing her. *hugs*

    1. oh dear… he sucks! summore not time-off. does he find u back after that?

      1. nope. completely disappeared from my life. not sure if it was a good thing or not. haha

      2. LOL! good GUA…. >_<

  64. i thank God i’ve never been cheated on before…i dont know if i can be as strong as u and take it without crumbling. i am paranoid abt it tho, i keep dreaming that my bf will cheat on me, tho he is completely NOT the cheating kind.

    but i respect u for ur strength. i wont say forget him he is an idiot blablabla cos i know it just aint that easy.

    i’m also sorry to say, i’ve cheated on each and every one of my bfs before this, except the current one. but only kissing. i hope karma doesnt stab me in the ass one day. but that was when i was really young la…18-20.

    nvm, u look great, ur clothes look great, ur skin looks great, u can get sum1 else anytime, when ur ready. u go girl!

    1. sigh~ but i don’t know Y i really don’t feel like i will get someone new in my life )=

  65. Once in a while right in the middle of an ordinary life
    love give us a fairy tale, but fairy tales don’t always
    end in happily ever after. Be strong, Cindy.
    You will get through this.

    Cheers ;)

    1. thanks vb. thank u. <3

  66. Hey babes, hope you’re coping alright.
    Just know that no matter what happens,
    you will always have your family and friends supporting you.
    Be positive and take care.
    Muuacks
    ♥ Xoxo ♥

    1. thanks Sylvia~ xxx

      1. No worries babes.. x♥X♥

  67. “Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional”
    When the love of your life leaves you feel like your life has been shattered and that your heart has been shredded into pieces.

    We have all been there. Whether it was a short relationship or the break up of a long term marriage the pain is still there. That ultimate grief you feel when you have lost someone you thought you would be with forever.

    With every break up there is someone who is devestated whilst the other just seems to move without a second thought.

    The guy do not deserve your tears and when you find the one that is he would not make you cry.

    Just remember when one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

    1. i once said the exact same thing to people, but i think it’s karma cuz i c it is not that ez.. T_T

  68. Wow, I know this is an old post and I’m glad you are feeling much happier now but you express yourself really well when you are sad. I wish I was brave enough to put my feelings out into the world like you do, so directly.

    Unfortunately most boys are born idiots, as I’m sure you’ve realised, we don’t mean it though (well I hope!)

    But I get the feeling you are uncorruptable and really believe in dreams coming true… so, they will! Good luck!

    1. i believe everyone can put their feelings out there; they just don’t want to.. because they are afraid. but to cure fear, is to FACE it, i think O.o

  69. Hi Cin!

    U didn’t mention what happen to the girl that kiss yr ex ?

    Still be your friend or ….?

    1. fair weather friends kot. dunno, don’t like labeling people (=

  70. Well wat is lost can never be found back… treat it as a
    lesson learned on the way to maturity… Lost love can never
    be reclaimed… so is a broken heart. To truly love someone
    is the utmost gift of constraints but to know and share
    one’s life, time and feelings is the eternal begotten fact
    of life that every one have to go thru’. Mine is long dead
    and it will never come back and as such void of feeling
    and emotion… Let not anyone feel for me as it will never
    be returned…..

    1. so emo wan… ): i already got over mine; i hope u will soon too! *hugs*

      1. Thanks… I wish u all the best n be happy and foremost just be yourself…..

  71. I dont how in the hell i found this page of urs, but it really stung me.i cheat on my girl and kantoi coz she read text on my phone. I feel so ashame and i regret it till today. i couldn’t face her now due to the sin i have done. I think i just lose my only way to find true happiness.

    1. i’m sorry to hear that.. well, we all make mistakes. what’s important is we learn & not repeat ‘em. *hugs*

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