It was a day better than before, when i saw a girl who fell down the stairs outside the toilet but ignored. She then told me that she had to take more lift trips and climb more stairs because the hotel key didn’t work, the room was wrongly booked, she got into a bad fight with her boyfriend, so on, so forth. Her now black blue knees covered up by her sparkly blue gown like a palace curtain hanging down her towering heels. Nobody asked her how she was, so i did. i’m glad i did.
i wasn’t sure if i should look into her eyes, but it felt more sincere so i pulled my little courage together and set my eyes upon hers. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. They looked like they were lingering, laced with a pool of tears i couldn’t tell warm, or cold. Should i grab her hands? i did that too. They were both wet. “What happened?”
Life preaches to be bright, but nevertheless comes with dark humor. We were at a countryside wedding far away from the city. It was the drag-iest, most boring wedding i’ve ever attended; enamored with layers of happy chatters in a thick foreign language i couldn’t understand. The entire farce made me feel like it’s better to nurse a broken heart, or fix a broken doll, rather than trying hard to blend in and left muted regardless. My new friend had just started weeping, so i decided to let her do so for as long as she wanted. After all, i had all the time in the world.
“It’s funny”, she finally said to me. “Many women wish to get married. They dream of a wedding since they were little girls. That’s why they invented Ken for Barbie, even a house for those damn dolls.”
“i was one of them”, i said, laughing, hoping that i could make my friend smile, but she didn’t. Her lips parted slightly and she continued.
“i was one of them too, even up till yesterday. But it just has to be today, at this wedding, when i realized that i am SO glad that there is no damn ring on my finger.” i looked at her ring finger. It sure is vacant.
“Where is he now” i asked without a question mark, as i was unsure if it was appropriate.
“He left. Told me to book another room.”
“Why the hell would he do that?!”
“You saw me on the floor. This pair of heels is killing and my knees are bruised, yet i was dragged up and down. So i said that he was drunk and couldn’t even book a room. Turned out it was his brother who did the booking, he felt terribly insulted by my statement so he . . .”
“So he left you. Men can be petty, huh.”
“He asked if i have anything else to explain, yet given me no time to speak. Now i’m left with no keys, no cash, no telephone charger for my dying phone . . . they are all still in the car. We have just arrived!” She wept again, this time uncontrollably.
i gave her a hug and a shoulder any man should have given her at this point of time. i felt a warm flood gushing through my thick, turquoise colored dress. It could be that people say and do things they don’t mean when they are angry, but my heart shivered at the thought of her situation – a girl stranded at a foreign place with no public transport, family and friends far out of reach, feeling caged, helpless, disregarded. That girl could’ve been me. That girl could’ve been anyone! Imagine being married with a wailing baby and your husband kicked you out of the room. What is a woman supposed to do? Where and to whom can a mother run to?
More often than not, we all say things we don’t mean when we are angry. But that doesn’t mean it can be used as an excuse to say whatever you like, then walk away unapologetically; expecting others to ‘just forget about it’.
i decided to skip lunch and cheered my friend up with a hot chocolate as we both sat in silence. Our thoughts too loud for talk. For the first time in my life, i felt liberated for not having a band on my finger either. At least i could still runaway whenever i want, until the right man proves (again and again) to be totally deserving. A wedding is just a mere celebration. A marriage is more than just a bond. Once you’re in it, there is no turning back; only moving forward with a happily ever after, or a scar always left behind your ass. Choose wisely.